The feel-good movie of the year

My body decided to stay home from work yesterday. After a nap to recover from driving Critter to camp, then watching daytime television for about 18 minutes, I decided to look for a movie on Netflix. The home page boasted a category created just for me: Understated Dramas Featuring a Strong Female Lead.

I burst out laughing.

When it's all over, I would love for my life story to have been interesting enough to hold a viewer's attention. It certainly had its tense moments, but the redemption in the second half and the happy ending made it the feel-good movie of the year. Not a big studio production, but one of those quiet indie cinema verité flicks, maybe shot with a hand-held camera. Understated.

I wonder how many other people's "just for you" categories so perfectly describe their innermost desires for their own lives.

The elephant in the room

We have moved into a new neighborhood, the kids are getting involved in more activities and I’m taking small steps back into polite society. With this comes meeting new people.

At what point do I tell them? Being a single parent isn’t unusual, so I thought I could do without explanations at first. I really don’t want this to define us for the rest of our lives. But not telling our tale quickly becomes challenging. How is it that I’ve come to have stepdaughter, but no husband? Do I explain right away, or do I let the awkward moment form like a little raincloud as the person tries to sort out our complicated little family, then dissipate while I change the subject?



Sometimes I blurt it out, almost too casually, as an aside, leaving me feeling tactless and the other person searching for the right thing to say. It happened today at the Apple store as I was trying to sort out transferring content to Pickle’s new iPod. The nice genius and I couldn’t figure out why some songs wouldn’t transfer. 



“Were any of the songs downloaded using a different iTunes account?” he asked.

“Oh yeah!” I exclaimed, happy that a solution might be at hand. “Yes, probably my husband’s account. That makes sense.”

“All you’ll need to do is log into the account, and you’ll be able to transfer the songs.”

“Yeah, but he’s dead,” I said.



Then I saw the stricken look on the nice genius’ face, and I started stammering.

“I mean, um, he put the songs on the iPod and I’m not sure if I have his password but I probably do, it’s probably on that list of passwords I have at home and if it is, then I’ll transfer the songs, no problem. I know how to do that. Um, I can do that. Thanks for your help. Thanks so much. Bye.”



My wise friend Kristina advocates getting things out in the open right away to prevent them from becoming uncomfortable later in the relationship. This approach can be used for anything anything that might become an issue in the future, big or small. 



So, if Kristina and I were to meet today instead of 20 years ago, our conversation might go something like this.

“Hi, I’m Kristina,” she’d say. “I don’t like ham.”

“Hi, I’m Jennifer,” I’d reply. “I’m a suicide widow.”